What’s truly important to me? What will make me happy? What is my purpose?
Is there a meaning to all of this?! Why can’t I get this right?!!
Perhaps I think too much. Perhaps I take life too seriously. But perhaps this world is full of distractions and perhaps we are meant for more than the things most of us chase.
“Better” jobs, more money, greater success, health, less stress, popularity, happiness, approval of others and respect.
What if none of these things matter? What if all these things do is make us feel sustainable and secure – feeling we have everything sussed.
What if the chase is all we are ever going to get? You see, we are all seeking something – something, I fear, these things won’t fulfill.
“Chasing” implies that you hope to get it, collect it, add it and assimilate into your life somehow – it’s about *gaining* something … even when we give, often we are expecting something back (if we’re honest with ourselves).
I’m pretty sure true love, true caring and true success lie in putting others first – being humble, supportive, giving time (even when we are busy) and giving hope. That is the only example that we can give that matters.
Not how many likes I get on Facebook – but how caring I am to *one*.
If I am honest, I do want more popularity, compliments, love, money, recognition, praise and I wouldn’t mind (still) having a “better” body. I still envy others who appear to have the things I want from life: husband, house, kids, security… and, I am *still* lonely sometimes.
Despite these heavy feelings, I also get the sense that they are pulling me into a place where my eyes and heart are opened to learning that there *is* more than the shallow surface gloss we all hope for from life. For me, the gloss is not enough and I feel drawn to explore deeper into the world beyond the world – the unseen realm of faith, love, meaning and ultimately, JOY.
In many ways, the heights of heaven are found in the depths of pain.
You see, there’s no use in me saying I have it all sussed out because each time I hit a brick wall within myself I get to a point of complete emptiness and say:
“There *has* to be more!! I must be missing something?! Is this it??”
And that’s when I fall on my face and find just enough of what I was looking for to prompt me to share … yet, where am I sharing? Who is getting to hear my story? Well, I have a confession to make about that:
I sit and write *every* morning and I never publish it. Why? Because I write about my faith in God and this is a fitness site – in my heart I want to share what I’m being inspired to write, but on the other hand, I want to stick within “what’s popular”. I’m ashamed that I am ashamed, and the old me is cringing when I speak the name of Christ or profess that my relationship with Him is becoming more and more important to me. So here I am at a cross roads for my blog. And I am being prompted to just share it!
I am stepping out to say I want to be completely open to make this site a place of Fitness for Body AND Soul – because our greatest struggles start inside!
Wanna know why I am so keen to share this? Because I can’t reach those I am meant to reach if I am not using what I have been given. No one else has my story; no one else has my personality, nor can they see the world the way I see it. Just as I feel prompted to teach exercise, I feel completely drawn to help in any other way I can – which is by being who God wants me to be, no matter how much the old me wants to cringe.
It’s time I grew up and stopped worrying what y’all think – you can decide for yourselves if you want to read it.
What is happening in my life is completely overwhelming in so many ways. Nothing else could explain the change in me. I am BURSTING to write, to share, to support and to help others more than I ever thought I’d want.
In the coming months, Myomytv is FINALLY getting a face-lift! It’s time to show you exactly where I am being led in my life.
And I can’t WAIT to share it all with you!
“God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn’t. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down.”
– CS Lewis