Six months ago I had surgery to have my breast implants removed.
I posted on Facebook the following status:
Today brings some *minor* surgery that marks a major turning point in my life. 10 years ago, I was so low on self-confidence and so high on seeking my self-worth in others that I felt I should get breast implants. To be honest, ever since, I regretted it.Rather than spend the rest of my life having them replaced every few years, today I am having them removed forever! This was the easiest decision I have ever made! For me, they were never the right answer and only now can I take action and just *be* as I am, naturally.I wanted to share this because I know many of you struggle with the way you are, and it took me 10+ years to get to this point.All I can say is, no outer change has ever given me anything more. Inner change did. Inner change gave me self-acceptance on a good day and grace on a bad day.
After 6 months of adjusting to my new-old shape, I can now say that I love my body in a way I never thought possible. Even with chronic pain, even with less strength and muscle, and even with cellulite on my thighs I can say that I am happy in my own skin.
The most difficult aspects of this have been:
– Finding clothes to suit my new shape.
– Feeling confident naked … especially during those intimate moments with hubby.
– Really having boldness to be who I am without apologising or conforming.
So imagine how I felt to get a message from a man who felt it was his place to tell me:
“You had the perfect body before” and “Funny how you only did this AFTER you got married”
I don’t normally give “haters” much attention, but since this comment I have also received several messages and comments along the same lines – basically, telling me how I have not met *their* expectation of me.
Well, here’s my response to you and anyone else who feels I have disappointed them in any way: by my looks, my words, my actions, my choices or whether I choose to blog or not (yes, there are people who want to tell me I have let them down in every area of my life):
Your expectations/opinions/judgements/pressures were exactly what I *used to be* controlled by. I desperately wanted to impress you. I thought my purpose in life was to meet your expectations of me. And it mattered to me when I let you down. It mattered to me when I failed to meet the mark.
Your kind is impossible to please because you thrive on being displeased, offended and angered by other people’s choices. You behave like your way is right and everyone else’s is wrong. The world is what *you* see.
You weren’t seeking to understand me; you were judging me. You only liked me as long as I ticked your boxes.
Well, I no longer dance to your tune. I have more important things to worry about than whether or not my body or my blog annoys you. You can send me your messages of disapproval, or leave comments telling me you’re leaving, but your opinion no longer counts.
The only person I seek to please is God. He is my security, He accepts me and, to Him, I am significant just as I am.
Here’s the thing that gets me. We all fall into this trap in some way. Either we give in to the pressure or we are the ones putting others under pressure. And, as was often the case with me, I was so worried about losing popularity or friends, that I’d compromise my values and fail to maintain good boundaries that I let people’s opinions have too much power over me. Anyway, my point here is, in the past I’d often worry about replying or even writing a blog like this out of fear that people wouldn’t like that I am putting my foot down. Each one of us has a *unique* and *special* purpose in life and there are people and forces in the world that are set to oppress you. Don’t let those forces water down who you are. And for goodness sake, think twice before you start telling someone else how to be.
Part of me got my breast implants removed for the reasons I cited above; but another part of me – the bold part of me – opted to make a statement that I no longer wish to conform to what the world wants me to be.
And what a victory this is: I get to embrace a body I have never seen. I get to leave all those old worries and distractions behind. Baggage I no longer have to carry!! I get to tell the world, in a way that’s personal to me, that I am not here to be easy on your eyes, I am not here to be “hot” or “sexy” or live up to your expectations (positive or negative). My body and my purpose are given to me by God and I live to bear witness to Him. That may be blogging (or not), that may mean being a stay at home mum, that may mean many things, but what ever that is I’ll embrace it because it is His plan …. and that is my choice.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. – Romans 12:2