Imagine for a second that embarking on your fitness journey like a sculptor turning a giant piece of rock into a masterpiece.
Most would agree this takes vision, time, and it takes joy and perseverance in the process.
To the sculptor , the finished piece is already there because she visualises it beneath the rock before beginning about to chip away.
The Seeds of Doubt
Many of us know that fitness results take time, but I think we still expect it to happen quicker. When it doesn't, people often feel they must not have the right tools, or their body (the piece of rock) must be the wrong kind.
I understand that we want to know that what we're doing is working, but "results at a certain rate" isn't the best evidence to use. Just think for a second how subjective that is, especially when we're often comparing ourselves to other people (or our younger self).
I believe much of this frustration comes from not really trusting:
A) the process
B) your body or yourself
The process is as much about how as it is about what you do. Meaning, how you see the road ahead and your steadfastness.
Does it feel like "such a long, arduous journey and I'm not getting anywhere fast enough" or could it feel like "I'm on the right path for me, this level is just what I need".
Is the process really about "do I look any fitter yet?" or "did I do enough?" (so it’s still about results) or is it "I'm showing up for myself and these efforts (chipping away at the rock) count, these efforts are my own hard work, and they are revealing not just an amazing body underneath, but they are revealing that I already have an amazing body that can persevere, and take this next step"?
The Fitness Industry Fans the Flames
It's ironic, but there's a chronic lack of body-trust in the fitness world today (it's encouraged, actually, and I'll be writing another post about this WITH examples).
If our body isn't as nice as we'd like it, we find it harder to value it until it does. Then, if we see results as the main measure of our success, of course we'll feel even worse when results are slower than hoped.
Add to that the reinforcement from the fitness world to basically always find something wrong with your body (either aesthetically or functionally), is it any wonder so many people struggle to tolerate "slow results", because it keeps them feeling broken. Results have become about "when I'm fixed".
Here's a message I see a lot (on my content and others'): "I'm doing all I can since my life is crazy, but changes are happening slower than I'd like… where do I go from here?"...
Honestly, you just keep on keeping on.
If you're doing " all you can", then adding more stuff will become unsustainable which will make it more likely you'll burn out. AND, even if you did do more, there's NO GUARANETEE it would speed up your results.
More is not necessarily better.
Any real person out there who has a real life - not one that affords you time and energy to only focus on your body and fitness - must focus on what works for them. Do not compare yourself to another person, or another time in your life. Just don't, because there are too many variables at work to really know what that "magic ingredient" is or was.
Where you go from here is less about what physical stuff you do, and more about how you see your journey.
Do you hope you'll hit the chisel and feel disappointed if only a small piece of rock falls off, wishing for the entire side to fall off for all to be revealed? Boom! A masterpiece!
Or do you see each chip - the skill and perseverance in that effort - being of equal value, no matter how much came off?
I totally understand how hard it is to see effort as its own reward, and I'm certainly not anti-results or goals, I just see how we need to focus MORE on our efforts and how there's no mystery to be solved, or brokenness to be fixed.
Do you even see this as YOUR journey at all? Or it is some impersonal road that everyone is suppose to go along? Somehow there's only one fitness journey (which also feels like a race) and there are people who are farther along (more successful) or struggling to keep up (losers).
I think understanding your true beliefs about what you're actually doing matters deeply.
The analogy of the sculpture is imperfect because there does come a day when the masterpiece is complete. With fitness, though, it's never done…
Sometimes rock grows back LOL
Sometimes the artist has other stuff to attend to
Perhaps he burnt out because it was taking too long to finish the piece so he worked around the clock
Does that mean any effort he can manage to put toward the sculpture is pointless?
The best thing to do when you're struggling to see the results you're getting as enough, is to just ask yourself questions (or better, get someone else to help you look at it differently).
I'm not joking, if you're doing all you can (and, hey, even if you're not), the "answer" probably isn't "do more workouts or try harder" or "I must be missing something".
It probably has something to do with a disconnect between what we think we should be doing and what we actually need to do (and why do we feel these "shoulds and have-to's"?)...
Or there's something underneath that's keeping you stuck in a cycle of "not enough" because on some level, no matter how fast or great results are, you just can't value yourself, so you'll never be worthy of them.
And I'm not being preaching here. I speak from pure experience, having been trapped by this very thing for years. The funny thing is, I'm pretty much "cured" of it as it pertains to fitness results, but I still struggle with it sometimes in other areas of life, like business.
What really swung the pendulum was seeing the TedX talk below, about how women especially, grow up self-objectifying. It connected so many dots about why fitness/body/outer results and appearances have driven so much of my behaviour, my anxiety, and my feelings of not being good enough:
What do you think: Do you feel slower-than-hoped results mean you're not doing enough (or enough of the right things)?
Back in 2016, I set out to design a pull-up program. It was first called "Reach for the Bar", but soon evolved into an 18 week course, called Pull-Up Academy.
I don't think I've ever really expressed in full why I created it.
So if you have pull-ups on your bucket-list, and something has always held you back from either starting, or going after it in a way that feeds you, rather than drains you... this might resonate, and it MIGHT help you make peace with whatever it is that prevents you expressing your strength in all it's beautiful glory.
Why I Created a Course for Pull-Ups
I have always tried to avoid narrowing my content as being for a particular gender. But, truthfully, when I created Pull-Up Academy, I had women in mind.
Achieving my first unassisted chin/pull-up changed something in me. I always believed I was strong, but doing pull-ups was, to me, clear proof (to myself, and those who see it) that I am what made it happen. My body was strong and capable, but my mind was also focused, disciplined, and persistent.
As I worked more and more with women clients, I could see some of them didn't even want to believe it COULD be possible for them. Like they were afraid to even entertain the idea. Yet, they also wanted to do it. Like, admitting it would mean they had to succeed or it would be confirmation that "it wasn't meant for them". They'd come up with all sorts of reasons why it wasn't the time to start trying.
It's always made me sad when I hear women disparage their abilities, writing things off as not for them, or saying they're too weak, too busy, or that they don't have the discipline. Yet, so many women have Pull-Ups and other big goals on their bucket-list. What is it that holds us back?
Is it because we don't have faith in ourselves? Have we bought into the idea that we must be small, play small.... but we also have to somehow "be more"? More of what others say we should be.
It's all so confusing, but I think the key thing is we often don't believe we hold the answers to our own destiny. We often don't behave as if we have agency! Things happen to them, not because they made it happen. This is something I believe all women feel a sense of. We can't be "too strong", "too opinionated".... it gets under people's skin.
Not just men's skin, but women also feel threatened and put off when other women use their voices with authority over their own lives, their body, and to express their boundaries AND express their capabilities.
We Come Equipped
Women don't need to "be more", because we already are as "more" as we'll get. Our world has taught us that we have to keep trying harder and harder, burning ourselves out to prove - by what we do and how we look - not just that we're worthy, but we're beyond worthy... that we're feminine AND a badass, and pleasing and, and, and.... but just not too much of any of these.
The Moment I "Bought In"?
I don't know about you, but I distinctly remember beginning to make compromises, and begin shrinking before the world when I was in my teens. Suddenly, I was faced with "my place" as per the prevailing system of the time. And so began a decades' long inner battle between looking out at the world through my own eyes, and looking at me through the world's eyes.
What I saw didn't measure up.
There is No Box for Contentment
An observation (through my own biased lens):
So much of what we want to achieve - fitness wise - is based on what others will think of us. We have so many boxes to tick, is it any wonder that we feel like we'll never be strong enough, lean enough, content enough. We don't even get to see ourselves through our own eyes, so how can we even begin to love ourselves.
Yet, when I talk with my clients and members - many over 45 - they have shared that deep down they don't just want to be strong, look good, or impress people (although there's really nothing wrong with those things IF they in moderation IMHO).
They want to be strong and fit so they can be self-sufficient, and capable for as long as possible.
They want strength training and fitness to honour THEM for their own sake, not for the sake of others.
In fact, they want to know with confidence that they can take care of themselves and are not dependent on anyone else. It's not that we don't cherish and love living in community with others, but the way many women end up feeling is that they NEED to be there, rather than WANT to. Or they may feel trapped because they just don't know themselves anymore, so they defer to everyone else for answers. We've all heard it: "I always put myself last" 🙁
Deep Down
They don't want to spend any more of their time and energy trying to chip away at their "imperfections" to fit a mold or keep other people happy.
Because in their own heart THEY KNOW they are ready to live fully and authentically as themselves.
Whose Goals are These Anyway?
Why do we walk these roads we're "told" to walk? Isn't part of this strength thing supposed to be empowerment? To honour ourselves, our autonomy, our power? Yet we follow the trends set by others.... and it's never enough. Because it's NOT really for us.
If we can recognise and own goals as OUR OWN, then I believe the outcome will bring with it way more (even if we end up some place else), because the journey is authentic to us.
And if you're in any doubt whether it really is your goal, then fear not: it's mostly impossible to really know what is ours and what is society's. In fact, I don't think we need to know definitively before we proceed, but I think it's worth making peace with the fact that it is probably going to be "both, and".
My hope is that the authentic inner voice is strengthened so that we don't care so much about whether we look bad to others. That we own the journey more, so the outcome holds less power.
Dear Diary, I DID IT!
For me, if I chose to set out on the Pull-up journey again, achieving my first post-partum unassisted pull-up wouldn't be so heavily burdened by what I think it'll say about me. It won't be so much about posting my success story on social media (although I probably will, and I'll enjoy the short-lived boost that gives me), but it'll be a heck of an entry into my diary, and I hope, a heck of a memory for my 2 year old daughter to hold on to. Just like Tracy did for her daughter in the video below:
It's Within Your Reach
It is my wish to encourage as many women as possible to own their goals and know that they already come equipped with the strength to persevere. And there is no better practice ground for all this than in working toward your first unassisted pull-up (and beyond).
You are strong. You are capable. You can do this! <= if you truly want to, of course. I'm not going to force you 😉
~ Marianne
The Pull-Up Academy has now been made available as a self-directed course, and can be purchased directly from PullUpAcademy.com.
In January this year I weighed in at over 170lb. My pre-baby weight was 138.
I never thought it was possible to gain this amount of weight in basically a single year.
But that's what happened.
I'd fallen into some pretty unhealthy habits, and one of them was not moving.
There were reasons for me not moving: I had had my first baby, and I was struggling a lot in the first few months with a lot of anxiety and insomnia. So I was put on anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication. I gained some weight on those.
Then I started to get this terrible hip pain. Right before I went home to Ireland at Christmas, it was so bad I reluctantly decided to try corticosteriods (Predisone) for 6 weeks. It didn't help. But it did help me gain a few more pounds >.<
When you're dealing with any pain flare-up or an injury - and even depression - it can often feel like it's going to last forever and your life is just going to remain that way. This is called catastrophizing, and I am a specialist at it. The truth was it wasn't going to be forever, and thankfully it has passed, but it didn't happen overnight and it was a very difficult time.
Truthfully, I was not thrilled at how much my life changed so much in such a short space of time. Pregnancy was full of anticipation and fantasy, and then BOOM! The birth and now a baby and NO SLEEP .... HALP!
Side note: My baby is now a toddler, and oh how I miss those baby days haha! 😉
Anyway....
They say that exercise helps depression. Yet, when you're depressed, you're often in a state of learned helplessness. This means you don't believe anything will work for you, and it's not even worth trying.
They also say that exercise helps pain. Yet, when moving causes pain, it's rather a deterrent. So you avoid movement in case it will make the pain worse (this behaviour is called fear avoidance, and I've dappled in that quite a bit over the years, too).
My mindset around these things was lose-lose. No matter what, I'd still be stuck. And I decided that if I couldn't do it well, why bother.
Then January came, and my mum was visiting us for two weeks. It was then that I decided to resume regular exercise.
It was great while my mum was there, but once she left I didn't know how I'd continue. I had no time and no energy to do what I wanted, but I was starting to see the value in just doing what I could. My pain and depression were getting better!
So, my husband and I sat down to plan an exercise schedule, to allow both of us time to do some training. We still have this same schedule today.
Through all these trials, I realized something that honestly changed everything:
I've noticed that we, as a society, often believe that starting and stopping exercise is inconsistent, and that's failure. Some people also believe if you're not training 3 times a week you won't see results, so there's no point. Why expend limited time and energy on something that seems pointless. And if they do decide to do less, I bet they feel like it's not enough.
We don't even realise it, but these beliefs are lose-lose mindsets.
Success is defined narrowly and often purely on whether we get results. So much so, that we lose sight of the value our efforts bring, even the inconsistent ones. It ends up all depending on these "results" that somehow never satisfy anyway.
The mindset shift that took place earlier this year was redefining success.
For me, it's not the results, but the process/journey that bring me contentment. I was tired of feeling like I needed to chase things, so I stopped.
And what this means is even when I fall short of my goal of, say 3 workouts, or 7 exercises in a workout, I can still value the efforts I made in doing less. It's not failure. It's life.
Above all, I realised that just because I do less than I used to, or less than is "best", I'm still better off physically, mentally, and emotionally because I know that it doesn't have to be the "best". It just has to be enough.
You see, encased within every goal I ever sought was a desire for contentment. I think I just wanted to be at peace wherever I was at. Part of that was aligning more with my values, but part of it was putting the importance of certain results in perspective.
Now I know that I don't have to wait for results to have that contentment, because it's the process that matters anyway.
Despite my imperfect, and consistently inconsistent training regime, I've still lost 22lbs.
I feel stronger, more focused on what matters to me, and above all, more content. All because I stopped setting myself up for failure with narrow definitions and started valuing journey over destination.
What mindset shifts have helped you feel more content on your fitness/life journey? Leave a comment below.
One woman inspired me to pursue strength training. In fact, this woman inspired me to do pull-ups and push-ups without the burden of not believing that upper body strength was possible for me. She showed me why strength was important.
As a teenager in the early 1990’s, she was the first female character I had ever seen preparing for her big purpose by training her strength, becoming fit for purpose. She was determined, focused, and on a mission.
Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2.
The people who inspire us offer a gift of possibility. Perhaps it even causes something within us to awaken that previously lay dormant. I believe that there is one thing that inspires more than any other: seeing someone not give up on something that holds meaning to them.
Here are 8 amazing people who did just that. Each one of them reached for the bar and tried pull-ups again and again until they succeeded. At some point in each story their inner critic had thrown some kind of objection at them about why they may fail. What stands out to me is the common thread of perseverance: “continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition” ~ Merriam Webster Dictionary
I’m hoping this post will inspire you do something that holds meaning but that you might currently believe too difficult. Whatever that thing is for you (pull-ups or not), the important question is not if it’s difficult, but if it’s worth it.
Molly shows us what’s possible even when you think your body may work against you.
There’s nothing quite like the feeling of being able to pull yourself up over the pull-up bar. It makes me feel powerful, capable and independent. I love it’s carryover into real life (I had to hop an 8 foot fence the other day when I locked myself out of my house and I never could have done it without my pull-up ability!) and I love how unexpected it is that a super-tall, 165+ pound woman with super-long arms would be able to walk up to a pull-up bar and knock out a set. So of course that’s what I like to do.
Before, I don’t know if I thought they weren’t for me but I was very jealous of my friend who could do like, 12! I definitely went into it thinking about how much harder they be for me with my heavier body and long arms. They ARE VERY HARD, but also DOABLE!”
Chris Garcia, 52, Alpine, TX
Chris has been my online client for 4 years and he has shown me time and time again what perseverance can help you do.
Sometimes the reward is not the goal. I am 5’7″ and weighed 189 lbs. I got tired of being fat, so I took it off in a very aggressive manner (daily heavy bag work, sky high BOSU jump and sticks, and push ups) I went to 157 in 6 weeks. I used to be strong in both chin ups and pull ups, but I promised myself I would not try them until I lost 30lbs, so as not to embarrass myself. After the weight loss I went up to the bar and did a chin up; then I tried a pull up and did three. After I finished I thought, “Holy crap, that was easy!”
Chrysta Hiser, 34, and all-round-awesome woman!
I’ve never met anyone as positive and caring as Chrysta so of course I had to ask her for her pull-up story <3
Thinking back to my first pull up kind of makes me laugh (triumphantly though!) I got one of those over the door pull up bars on a whim from the sporting goods store. I sale shop like a boss, what can I say. Anyways I remember putting it up and thinking to myself that this was going to go one of three ways. Option one: I don’t have it mounted right and I’ll end up hilariously landing on the floor. Option two: nothing is going to happen and I’ll be left with flashbacks of the embarrassing flex bar hang in Jr. high. Option three: success! Well I just gripped that bar and to my surprise I hoisted myself up over the bar. After my little happy dance in the hallway I remember it being such an empowering feeling and I was so proud of myself. Not only did I get my first pull up but I also did something that I wasn’t sure I could do. That to me was such a defining moment as I wanted to see how much more I could do. Since then I kept practicing and still do every week. With practice pull ups have become something that I enjoy doing and look forward to progressing this skill.
Before, I honestly didn’t think that I could do them. I thought I didn’t have a strong upper body. I had a million silly little reasons but I’d never even tried. That was the odd thing. I finally decided to try because I was tired of thinking that way and I wanted to be more than I thought I was!”
Jen and I go way back to the beginning of Girls Gone Strong when she blew me away by making really difficult things look effortless. Of course I know they’re not, she just moves with grace 🙂
When I first started my fitness journey, I remember jumping up to grab the pull-up bar, pulling with all of my might, and to my dismay, not budging one single inch. From that point on, pull-ups seemed completely out of my reach, and they intimidated me. It wasn’t until years later, after focusing on a ton of strength work, that I re-visited them. I hopped up to the bar, and was able to do one! I remember feeling an immense sense of accomplishment, and even after developing impressive squat, bench, and deadlift numbers, a pull-up was what I became most proud of. It wasn’t long after I got my first one that I got my first set of three, then my first set of five, and I went on to build that number to an unbroken chain of 10.”
Moving countries has been tough on me mostly because I don’t have a network of friends. Nancy has become a great friend and source of strength for me and I’m grateful for her. How we met is a pretty funny story … for another day 😉
The day of my Presidential Physical Fitness test in high school I had to do an iso-hold pull-up. I got up on the bar but immediately let go. I remember the gym teacher telling me that I was so much stronger than that and to get back up on the bar to do it again. Again, I immediately let go saying that I wasn’t that strong. She was pretty pissed at me.
I really didn’t believe in myself. That’s held me back in most aspects of my life.
I don’t remember getting my first chin-up, but I remember getting 5! I was 28 when it happened. My husband used to help me by giving me a push up to the bar. One day during our workout I did 5 and he told me he didn’t spot me at all. I didn’t believe him, so I tried it again. 5 more chin ups! I felt like such a strong badass! It was the beginning of me realizing I was strong and to believe in myself.
That’s the beauty of training: just when you think you can’t, you give it a try, and with practice and consistent work, voila! You’re doing what was once unthinkable.
It teaches you to never count yourself out. It teaches you that you can do it. It teaches you to believe in yourself.”
Clodagh McGlynn, 35, of @CATbikini Belfast, Northern Ireland
One of the many people I miss from home. Clodagh and I met at my old gym where many of my videos have been filmed. She was my spin buddy and soon became one of my closest friends. She’s also a Personal Trainer.
I always wanted to be able to do pull-ups because they are impressive and it’s empowering to be able to lift your own body weight. While I had some self-doubt I still tried because to me it was worth the effort. I just kept practicing until one day I did it!”
Yvonne Halpin, 32, of @yoyohalpin and from Clonmel, Ireland
For those of you who are signed up to my Museletter, you will have received an invitation to Myomytv’s Closed Facebook group. Yvonne is part of the group and I have been inspired by her amazing strength videos which pop up from time to time in my newsfeed. Plus I’m on a mission to showcase other strong Irish women 🙂
I remember watching others in the gym flying up and down and thinking gosh, that’ll never be me! But after a few months of just practicing hangs and the slow downwards progression and using resistance bands it happened! I remember putting the band to one side and thinking “I’ll just try it” . I gripped the bar and squeezed everything and before I knew it I was up at the bar!! I got two in a row that day and I was elated!! It had seemed impossible; especially for someone with no athletic or sports background and there I was doing chins it was such a great confidence boost and self earned which gave me a new sense of pride in this lil body!”
There’s no doubt that pull-ups are challenging. There’s no doubt that pull-ups take perseverance, consistency and frequency to make progress and maintain it (ask me how many times I’ve gone back to 2 reps). And there is absolutely no doubt that they are worth every effort. No matter how many times my reps regress, I still want to keep trying to get more pull-ups!
Now it’s your turn to share your pull-up story. Let me know how what this goal means to you, and whether you’ve succeeded yet.
~ Marianne
Don’t miss it ===> Enrollment for The Pull-Up Academy is opening for the second time from September 18th-22nd. There’s only room for 25 participants, so get your name on the pre-enrollment list today 😀
If I hear one more time that the solution to hating your body is to love it I think I might explode!
This is something I have literally done a 180 on, since I used to completely preach that we have to embrace ourselves, flaws and all! But you can’t force yourself to feel something you don’t yet agree with in your heart.
And before you ask if I still think body acceptance is good, yes I do, but there’s a problem with how we (people for which this has been a true difficulty) are trying to get there. Body love has become the goal, when I think it is a byproduct of something else. So for now I am going to say that seeking to accept your body by focusing on your body is a dead-end.
Bear with me here.
Have you ever met someone you weren’t physically attracted to? Maybe you just don’t see physical beauty in their face or their body… until what?
Until you get to *know* them, right?
When we spend time getting to know and connect with people, we perceive their beauty at a far deeper level than their physical appearance. But even more amazingly, we start to see them as more physically beautiful, too.
So when you look at yourself, and feel horror or you cringe, are you so convinced that *body* love is what you need?
Could it be that we just haven’t gotten to know ourselves very well? Do you know what’s really important to you? Do you know your core values and character strengths?
Do you appreciate them, value them; value yourself?
Could it all be about a search for fulfillment and meaning; about belonging and connection; about seeking love and feeling complete? Maybe not all of it, but probably a good bit of it.
I have been derailed many times thinking that I just need to show my body at different body fats, difference abilities and somehow normalised not being super lean or attempt to establish a badassery around looking just the way I do. That by doing that I will feel better. But it always feels forced and it never lasts. That’s because no matter whether I am hating my body or loving it, it’s still NOT about my body!
I believe that body shaming and body acceptance are two sides of the same coin. They are symptomatic of a culture that for years has linked success with appearances, and appearances with self-worth. If we want to say that appearances don’t determine your worth, then we have to stop focusing on appearances, acceptance or not.
Here’s the truth: when I’m not fulfilled in my life or I have pain that for some reason can’t see yet or can’t deal with yet, I try to fill that gap or fix it with other things. I go straight to my coping mechanisms which have always been about seeking some kind of approval, when I just want connection and validation. So all my masks go up: look how sexy I am, look how fun and amazing my life is, look how funny I am, look how I no longer care about my body fat … whatever it is to cover my vulnerability.
We are all masters of disguise. And you know what? It’s a response to social (or other) fear, which is normal in small doses, but not when it becomes chronic.
What are we habitually doing that’s actually increasing the frequency of these social pressures and fears?
Social Media for one! (for all the good, it also does a lot of harm to some people).
When you’re reading something on Social media, does it really help you? Or does it lead you back down the very same rabbit hole you’ve been trying to escape for years? This doesn’t just apply to social media and it doesn’t just apply to body image.
It’s rarely about what someone [on social media] says or does, but the awareness you have of yourself in response. What you think and feel about yourself (or that other person) as you read it and afterward (because what you do afterward matters! <- does any “inspiration” actually stick?) . Are you genuinely cheering them, or do you love/hate them because you want to be at peace with yourself but you just can’t seem to do it? Does your response sit well with you and is it in line with your values?
Start asking yourself why it is you even follow half the people you do online. Chances are they seem to have something you want. Are you growing, though? If not, why? Does it start as inspiring but then turn to jealousy? Are you stuck feeling empty about your own life?
You have a choice. But it’s not a one-time-forever choice. It takes work, time, self-awareness, preparation, persistence and a lot of grace (expect to fail sometimes, it’s ok!).
When I am faced with a feeling that makes me want to run to my coping strategies, I have to try and slow down. I must not go with the fear. It’s there and I am aware of it, but my choices must be seen clearly. I am not a slave to this fear. Instead, I review my options: over judgement, I choose grace; over expectation, I choose appreciation; over self-hate, I choose compassion and better questions.
Always question! Looking for better questions is a far more rewarding pursuit than only seeking answers.
You can establish what your choices are by delving deeper into what makes you tick and discovering your values and strengths. You can’t love yourself (or your body) until you accept that you have value to offer the world, just like everybody else. Trying to love your body before that is pointless.
You can’t make yourself love someone you don’t value.
Homework:
Write down what this post stirs up in you. Then ask yourself what that means to you. Ask if you want to continue holding on to that and then take note of how this feels. How are these feelings serving you? Slow it down and catch that little tempting thought the next time it appears and just let it go by. Or, grab it if it’s something important to you. Put it in a powerful belief statement about yourself and say it out loud.
Put it to the test and try this again when you visit someone’s page on Social Media and it triggers self-doubt, envy, or that “I need to be doing that too!” panic that we all get.
Here are two examples from my own life to help you get started:
Negative thought that I now let pass by (as much as I can):
“I’ve missed my chance to be successful”
Well, that’s not true but when I let that thought grow (often it pops up when I see other successful people online doing things I wish I’d done) it makes me hate myself for not doing more. How these people appear is so dangerous, but completely in my control. “Appear” is subjective and informed by how I feel and what I believe!
What have I done to help myself become less attached to this negative belief? I unfollow triggering people (to temporarily lessen the emotional burden while I practice this), and those that remain, I recognise that there is plenty of business to go around, that they have their strengths and I have mine (I have done work on finding what they are). Then I think about what strengths I discovered and I see that where I am going is far more in line with my core values than if I had done something similar. Then I feel glad that the thought helped direct me back on track because I have the power to decide.
Positive thought that I hold on to tightly:
“I am grateful that I am perceptive”
Then I affirm it and link it to something bigger:
“I have been given the gift of wisdom and perspective, so these are strengths that I use in coaching to help draw out the strengths and growth in others, which also fulfils me.”
I took a quiet thought one day and it became a core vision of my life and my business.
Oh, and I when I am fulfilled and doing meaningful work, I don’t fixate on either hating or loving my body. I just LIVE.
So the next time you see someone frame body image issues as being about the fat or what the fat means, ask yourself “what if it’s not the fat”, “what if body acceptance is a false-goal”?
Now I’d love to hear from you. Tell me if you have done something similar in your own life that has transformed your thinking in a particular area?
it was such a great confidence boost and self earned which gave me a new sense of pride in this lil body!”
