He Told Me to Just Start Writing

He told me to "just start writing" so here I am, writing as a start to something I don't even fully understand yet.

In 2016 I handed God my dream for Myomytv and my online business. I told him I was grateful for everything He had provided for my life, my work, my growth, and I asked him to bless my work and reveal to me how I am to continue to serve.

In that moment all I could think of was Ephesians 3:20,

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..."

And my heart swelled with such a sense of peace. 

That day God placed in my heart a desire to change the story for His Daughters across the world, so they might know that their value, like God, never changes. There is nothing we can do to earn it, and there's nothing we can do to lose it. I know so many grown women who are still struggling to live their lives from that truth. And it's not hard to see why:

Growing up, I thought I, like so many other girls, looked for my value in what others thought of me, whether it was my beauty, my wit, my strength, my humour, opinions etc. I wanted to feel I was great compared to someone else, yet deep inside I always felt worthless, and empty of joy, peace, and love. I never believed the approval I got, probably because it was always conditional. 

Even before God sent me a daughter of my own to watch over, I knew I needed to step out and start changing what girls and women - all Daughters of God - tell themselves about their purpose in the world. But putting it into action has been, well, difficult.

A few months after my initial prayer, I felt overwhelmed by this vision swirling around in my mind, impossible to pin down long enough to get a good clear look at it. With a great frustration I asked "what's the point of it?".

And again, He answered, only this time with a hymn I'd had stuck in my head that day for some reason:

"For I'm building a people of power, and I'm building a people of praise, to move through this land by my spirit, to glorify my precious name"

I was struck, this time, with such a sense of awe. I just started imagining the impact on the world if even a few hundred more women were to walk through their communities grounded in the assurance that their value is evident simply by the fact they exist at all. Their purpose, therefore, is not to please people, or to step down from being protagonist in their own lives, putting their dreams on hold so everyone else can carry on with theirs, but to "move through this land" by His Spirit to glorify God. 

Wow, what a thought! 

But of course, it seemed too big, too important, and I felt totally unequipped, so I kept avoiding it. Though perhaps the avoidance piece has all been part of my journey to get past some of my own hang-ups. I am certainly more ready for it now, simply because I know that avoidance only increases the agony as God just keeps on pursuing. Besides, my role for now was just to do something super simple, right? What could be hard or scary about "just start writing"? ... Well, I found a way to avoid that too.

It was during a visit to my family (the last few years all seem so jumbled to me now, so I can't recall when this was LOL), but I was feeling frustrated AGAIN that I still couldn't possibly start anything since nothing seemed clear enough yet. I can tell you, His message was loud and clear LOL... It was then he told me the now infamous (and annoyingly repetitive) "Just start writing".

OKAY OKAY! But what would I even write? It'll all sounds so unclear and jumbled. What if people ask me what I intend to do next? Marianne has yet another idea o_O 

I could look really stupid and crazy, but then again maybe I'll get a break from the "you still haven't just started writing yet" guilt for a while. It could be worth the public shame, she reasons. Plus I am kinda curious about the "immeasurably more than you could ask or imagine" part.

So here - a few years later - I have now written as a start to something I don't fully understand.

I ask for your prayers as Daughter Dear™ takes shape. 

Thanks for reading <3

  • May 18, 2019

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