He told me to "just start writing" so here I am, writing as a start to something I don't even fully understand yet.
In 2016 I handed God my dream for Myomytv and my online business. I told him I was grateful for everything He had provided for my life, my work, my growth, and I asked him to bless my work and reveal to me how I am to continue to serve.
In that moment all I could think of was Ephesians 3:20,
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..."
And my heart swelled with such a sense of peace.
That day God placed in my heart a desire to change the story for His Daughters across the world, so they might know that their value, like God, never changes. There is nothing we can do to earn it, and there's nothing we can do to lose it. I know so many grown women who are still struggling to live their lives from that truth. And it's not hard to see why:
Growing up I, like so many other girls, looked for my value in what others thought of me, whether it was my beauty, my wit, my strength, my humour, opinions etc. I wanted to feel I was great compared to someone else, yet deep inside I always felt worthless, and empty of joy, peace, and love. I never believed the approval I got, probably because it was always conditional.
Even before God sent me daughters of my own to watch over, I knew I needed to step out and start changing what girls and women - all Daughters of God - tell themselves about their purpose in the world. But putting it into action has been, well, difficult.
A few months after my initial prayer, I felt overwhelmed by this vision swirling around in my mind, impossible to pin down long enough to get a good clear look at it. With a great frustration I asked "what's the point of it?".
And again, He answered, only this time with a hymn I'd had stuck in my head that day for some reason:
"For I'm building a people of power, and I'm building a people of praise, to move through this land by my spirit, to glorify my precious name"
I was struck, this time, with such a sense of awe. I just started imagining the impact on the world if even a few hundred more women were to walk through their communities grounded in the assurance that their value is evident simply by the fact they exist at all. Their purpose, therefore, is not to please people, or to step down from being protagonist in their own lives, putting their dreams on hold so everyone else can carry on with theirs, but to "move through this land" by His Spirit to glorify God.
Wow, what a thought!
But of course, it seemed too big, too important, and I felt totally ill-equipped, so I kept avoiding it. Though perhaps the avoidance piece has all been part of my journey to get past some of my own hang-ups. I am certainly more ready for it now, simply because I know that avoidance only increases the agony as God just keeps on pursuing. Besides, my role for now was just to do something super simple, right? What could be hard or scary about "just start writing"? ... Well, I found a way to avoid that too.
It was during a visit to my family in 2017 I was feeling frustrated AGAIN. I still couldn't possibly start anything since nothing seemed clear enough yet. I can tell you, His message was loud and clear LOL... It was then he told me the now infamous (and annoyingly repetitive) "Just START writing".
OKAY OKAY! But what would I even write? It'll all sounds so unclear and jumbled. What if people ask me what I intend to do next? Marianne has yet another idea o_O
I could look really stupid and crazy, but then again maybe I'll get a break from the "you still haven't just started writing yet" guilt for a while. It could be worth the public shame, she reasons. Plus I am kind of curious about the "immeasurably more than you could ask or imagine" part.
So here - a few years later - I have now written as a start to something I don't fully understand.
I ask for your prayers as Daughter Dear™ takes shape.
Thanks for reading <3
[UPDATE MAY 2025]
Well, it's yet another few years later and I am writing. I seem to be just getting a lot off my chest. Perhaps years of not writing have caused a build up of thoughts that need to get out first before something else happens. But I wanted to share a breakthrough that has recently helped me reframe this problem of fear of starting something I don't understand the ins and outs of.
It's not a command. God isn't standing there with a big stick hitting me over the head until I finally do the thing He needs me to do. God isn't waiting around for me to do something so He can then do something.
It's an invitation for ME to go on an adventure with God, for my own good. It's to help me step into my identity in Him. This daughter dear needs to live in her own true identity, the one I've always had. God knit me together with a unique set of gifts that have purpose in the Body of Christ. You see, my identity has always been one of an inquirer. I seek truth, I tell the truths I've discovered. And I do that by asking questions to get to the heart of the matter. Writing is part of that expression. Writing is evidence of the path I've walked. It is how I tune in to the still quiet voice inside.
What I've been doing for the last few years by staying quiet is believing a lie that my thoughts don't matter. The lie that nobody cares what I have to say. But it's not about what I am saying necessarily - or if anyone cares. It's perhaps about what happens when I say it. Inquiry happens, seeking happens, reflection happens, something wonderful happens when words spill out on to a page. Truths aren't formed by those words, but words and imagery, questions and ponderings can often express reality in ways that can bring better understanding.
My desire to live in a world which is grounded in and fueled by Truth matters because Truth matters. And look at the state of things in the world... where has Truth gone? People are afraid to speak things that are plainly obvious. We live in the world of the Emperor Who Has No Clothes. A tyranny of lies.
I fully admit I've been afraid to speak out of fear that I'll get cancelled or ridiculed for having unpopular opinions. But one thing I've realised is the longer you stay silent, the more ground the lies cover. They also "move through the land", and they have some power. Be wary of the lies, especially the ones you're telling yourself. To live as fully you as you can, you have to start by realising you're naked. Stop avoiding the truth.